I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
