You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
