my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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