my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
