how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
