just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
