Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
