As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
