did you get engaged???
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
