five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
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