I don't think brook has ever known best
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
