I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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