she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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