there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
