seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
