arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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