I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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