It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
