when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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