listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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