um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I want to be your penis for a week.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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