I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
