i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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