so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
