the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
