We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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