I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have so many feelings about this burrito
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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