I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
