Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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