Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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