Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
organizing the empties. That sober.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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