john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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