Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
