you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
