I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
