I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
