I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
