I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
