One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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