her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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