Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
