$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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