I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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