this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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