I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
