It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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