Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
