He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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