The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
