that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
