Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
