you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
