I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
