# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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